James Potter (mwpp_prongs) wrote in potterfic,
James Potter
mwpp_prongs
potterfic

mwpp padfoot: *chats with James about some girl he saw in the hallways* Yeah, I think she was a Hufflepuff, but does it really matter? As long as she's not Slytherin...
mwpp prongs: *pulls a face* But Hufflepuffs are so dense, and total drama queens
mwpp padfoot: *shrugs* And? They're usually good in bed...
mwpp prongs: I guess it kinda evens out then. Did you see that girl in Ravenclaw, blonde, totally cute, she's in our defense class
mwpp padfoot: *grins* Yeah...I was going to talk to her tomorrow...
mwpp prongs: *glares slightly* So was I
mwpp padfoot: *holds up his hands* Geez, don't go mental. Don't you have a date with what's her name coming up anyway?
mwpp prongs: Luna, yeah, but it helps to have a couple of backups. I don't think Luna's too keen for me anyway, I swear she's avoiding me
mwpp padfoot: I dunno...best to go anyway.
mwpp prongs: yeah, i guess, might get something out of it
mwpp padfoot: *grins* If you get the same thing I did, you'll have a great time.
mwpp prongs: what exactly did you do anyway?
mwpp padfoot: I already told you, I don't repeat my stories.
Harry: *comes into the common room, seeing them together* *takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation to come, makes his way over to them*
mwpp prongs: Come on, it's only to me, your bestest mate in the whole world. Why would I want to repeat anything? Remus wouldn't listen and Peter would probably wet himself
mwpp padfoot: Yeah, but it's not my fault your memory is faulty...
Harry: *clears his throat behind them*
mwpp prongs: My memory is not faulty! *turns to face Harry* And what can we do for you?
mwpp padfoot: Is there something the matter, captain?
Harry: Actually, yes, I need to talk to the both of you. *goes around the sofa they're on to sit in a chair facing them* I need to talk to you about girls.
mwpp prongs: I think we know how to handle girls, mate.
Harry: *jaw tightens* I'm not sure you're my mate. And I know for sure that you don't know how to handle girls. You've got to stop when they say no.
Sirius: Are you kidding? No is just an indefinite maybe.
Harry: *gives him an incredulous look* Are you kidding me?
mwpp prongs: Everyone knows that. Girls like it when you give them a little attention, you know. Make them feel like someone wants them, and some girls are just worth the chase.
Harry: *looks at James* No! That's not how it works!
Sirius: How many girls have you bagged then? Hmm? *smirks when Harry doesn't answer* That's what I thought.
mwpp prongs: *laughs* Listen to the masters and you'll have trouble keeping the girls away
Harry: Stop! Gods, the girls are running away from you guys. It's not the same as it was when you were...in your time. People aren't into gratuitous casual sex anymore.
mwpp prongs: *raises his eyebrow* who would you know, you've not shagged anyone
Harry: All of the girls have been asking me to talk to you guys. They're tired of your come ons....they can't take it anymore.
Sirius: You misunderstood them.
mwpp prongs: You know what Mr Padfoot, I think he's jealous because we have more female attention than he does.
Harry: Look, guys...Ginny's complaining, so are the others...
Sirius: Why? She's lucky we're paying attention to her.
Harry: You're lucky she hasn't hexed you!
mwpp prongs: Ginny, which is Ginny? The cute red-head?
Harry: *looks at him* The cute red-head? You don't even know who she is?
Sirius: In other words, yes, Prongs, the cute red-head.
mwpp prongs: right, she's firey, reminds me of Evans.
Harry: *scowls* You guys....what is wrong with you? Do you honestly think so little of women?
Sirius: What is this? Feminist babble? We love women! That's why we spend so much time with them.
mwpp prongs: Exactly, we love women and women love us. We wouldn't get dates if they didn't.
Harry: You'll need to stop. Really. The girls don't appreciate it and don't like it.
Sirius: What kind of threat is that?
mwpp prongs: *rolls his eyes* Come on Harry, so what if we like girls? It's not like they're the only thing we think about, some things are more important
Harry: Like Quidditch?
mwpp prongs: Yeah, and other things
Harry: Well, look...I'll have to kick you off the team if you don't settle down and start showing a bit more respect to the girls.
mwpp prongs: You can't do that!
Harry: Can't I? I'm captain, aren't I? Straighten up, or you're off, and that's that.
Sirius: That's that!? That's not allowed! You have to have a viable reason!
Harry: Sexual Harrasment is a viable reason.
mwpp prongs: *glares at Harry* *opens his mouth to say something, then shuts it again* *strained* Fine.
Harry: Thank you. Work on it. *stands, walking quickly away from them*
Sirius: Can you believe him?!
mwpp prongs: Bloody prat, I would have hit him if he wasn't Quidditch captain
mwpp padfoot: Honestly. As if he can bully us around, just because he looks like you.
mwpp prongs: *scoffs* People might actually think we're related, it's disgusting
mwpp padfoot: He's such a...I can't even think of the word...
mwpp prongs: we need to prank him, a good one
mwpp padfoot: Yeah...but he might really kick us off the team. I hate that he has that over us.
mwpp prongs: So, we make him think it wasn't us. There's polyjuice potion in Slughorns classroom, we just grab a couple of slytherin hairs and no one will know it was us. we just need to get peter to say we were with him
mwpp padfoot: Yeah...we could snag some from that prat Malfoy...or Snape...Harry hates them...
mwpp prongs: *grins* perfect, we just need to come up with a prank, something good, that he'll never forget and that'll humiliate him
mwpp padfoot: *grins more* Make him fall off his broom or something. Or stand on a table in the great hall and sing.
mwpp prongs: Grab some of that veritaserum and make him reveal some of his secrets
mwpp padfoot: He's a goody-good, what kind of secrets can he have?
mwpp prongs: who he's kissed, who he fancies, that he's still a virgin? we can think of more
mwpp padfoot: We know he's a virgin....just look at him.
mwpp prongs: i suppose
mwpp padfoot: *smirks* Just like I know you're a virgin by looking at you.
mwpp prongs: Fuck off
mwpp padfoot: *laughs* Alright, alright. Sorry.
mwpp prongs: At least I'm trying to change my status, unlike him
mwpp padfoot: Yeah, I know...*mocks* Respect for women...*scoffs* Like that'll get you anywhere.
mwpp prongs: I bet he's really a poof or something
mwpp padfoot: Bet he is...Probably in love with that Ginny's brother or something.
mwpp prongs: *laughs* they are awfully close
mwpp padfoot: And he can be a horrible keeper...a lot...
mwpp prongs: just on the team because harry fancies him
mwpp padfoot: What a shame.
mwpp prongs: It'll be a shame we'll look like slytherins, because this'll get us some major populatity
mwpp prongs: popularity*
mwpp padfoot: Yeah, I bet a lot of people hate him, they're just too scared to say so.
mwpp prongs: I don't see why anyone would like him
mwpp padfoot: He's so stuck up.
mwpp prongs: He's not even that great at performing spells, he can't do non-verbal spells yet
mwpp padfoot: *smirks again* We could practice a few on him...
mwpp prongs: Levicorpus is always a good one
mwpp padfoot: Yeah...see how he likes showing the world his underpants.
mwpp prongs: the best part being he wouldn't even know it was us
mwpp padfoot: *laughs* The moron would blame Malfoy and Snape...
mwpp prongs: They'd be the ones to get detention and points taken
mwpp padfoot: It's perfect!
mwpp prongs: sometimes I amaze myself
mwpp padfoot: Yeah, we're geniuses.
mwpp prongs: next potions lesson I'll keep slughorn busy and you go after the polyjuice potion and veritaserum, under the invisiblity cloak of course
mwpp padfoot: Yeah, I'll get it. What're we going to ask Potter?
mwpp prongs: we'll think of something when we see him, something embarassing
mwpp padfoot: *smirks* How old was he when he first wanked.
mwpp prongs: *laughs* who he pictures when he wanks
mwpp padfoot: We'll find out if he's queer or not.
mwpp prongs: of course
mwpp padfoot: He probably pictures Snape...or something horrible like that. *wrinkles his nose* Dumbledore.
mwpp prongs: *shudders* that's disgusting
mwpp padfoot: Indeed. I don't know if we want to find out.
mwpp prongs: it'll be worth it
mwpp padfoot: Yeah, for everyone else that'll find out. He'll never show his ugly face again.
mwpp prongs: Thank God, maybe then I'll be made Quidditch Captain
mwpp padfoot: And all will be right with the world again...
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